Today, we are going to talk about finishing....Work, house, books, crafts, etc. What do I have against finishing? Is it a fear of being done?? I am sure there is so psycosis going on.
I never complete anything and its driving me mad!! Its almost as if I live to have something always available to do. Like, as if I were done, I may have nothing else to live for. Hmmm?
I know sometimes I keep my house messy so I will have an excuse to keep people away. Is that stupid? I don't want just anyone around me. So, that provides an opportune excuse to use. I dont LIKE it...I am changing it, but that is why it's there. I am a loner, remember?
But, what prevents me from ever completing my children's scrapbooks? Is it because I am too far behind? Is it because if I ever finish, it will acknowledge that they have grown up faster than I wanted them too?
I have this awful fear....of dying, of my children dying, of my husband dying. I have always had this fear. I remember the verses. I just don't apply them like I should.
but whoever listens to me will dwell secureand will be at ease, without dread of disaster.”
—Proverbs 1:33
fear not, for I am with you;be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you,I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:13
For I, the Lord your God,hold your right hand;it is I who say to you, “Fear not,I am the one who helps you.”
—Isaiah 41:10,13
I think my fears keep me from completing things, and from trying new things. When my husband and oldest went to Honduras for a mission trip, I was paralyzed with fear. I just KNEW their plane would crash, or that their bus would go off a mountain. I was a wreck and when he failed to call me and inform me that he was okay, I got mad. That is how I handle my fear. With anger. So, in order to handle my fear, I was mad at him the entire time he was gone.
Same thing happened when he went to Mexico. I can't handle the thought of being left alone, and that freaks me out.
When we go somewhere, we have to all go in the same vehicle. There can be no splitting up amongst other friends who are going. One, to avoid the music or conversation choices of the other vehicle, but mostly, because of my irrational fear of them crashing and killing my child.
How did this post go from completion to fear??? Man, I am disconnected today. Well, no. I guess my completion was fear too, right? Why do I have so much fear??
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
3 comments:
Holly,
I, too, have that irrational fear that there will be a crash if anyone else drives my children around. If we crash the car, that's different, but if someone else crashes with my children, that would kill me. I feel so responsible for them
I also understand about keeping the house messy to deter guests. If we have guests for very long, I start to hyperventilate, lol, and I feel like they're invading my life too much.
I can't get anything finished either, and flit around from project to project. I think I just get too bored with most projects, and want something more fun to do. :-)
The dying thing? I go around several times a night checking to see if all the girls are still breathing . . . :-)
I understand, Holly....a lot of my fears seem to center around stairs. Just the other day we decided to look at a house (just pretending that our house will sell and someday we will be able to move!). I became absolutely TERRIFIED when Matthew was climbing up and down the stairs. And he does quite well on our stairs at home (we have a LOT of stairs).
Sometimes at night when Paul gets up with Emma and takes her downstairs to give her a bottle, I have panic attacks. I can't sleep for fear that somehow he will trip on the stairs and kill himself and Emma!
Yet, because of my nephew Josiah's recent death, I realize that this life we have now is not "real" life. That Josiah is now REALLY living, because he is in Heaven. But it's hard to stop being afraid.
I will be praying for all of us to be able to let go of fear, because fear doesn't come from the Lord:
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7
((hugs))
Thanks you two. I don't know what's up with me the last few days. It's like I am muted somehow. And then when I start writing, it sounds depressing...
It's nice to know that I am not alone with my fears. I think the problem is that most people don't talk about things like this, and so you never know they feel that way.
Post a Comment