Thursday musings...lack of electronics

Where to begin this post??? How about here. LOL. Well, the television has been off for a day, and we packed up the gamecube with the games. The VCR is turned off. Not much else to entertain the children with electronically. They did okay today, but they did have one last session on the gamecube before the packing up. Tomorrow will be the big test. It will be for me too, because I am turning the computer off for the day. I usually get on every so often, and can get sucked in at any given moment. There is sooo much interesting stuff out there, you know. Robyn, your blog is one of the first interesting blogs I go to. Then multiple times after that. I am stalking you. HA.. Just kidding. And you, JoAnn. Your next on my list. Multiple times too. I am thorough.

Anyway, I will only be on in the early morning, or late evening, because it seems very hypocritical of me to say to my children, "sorry, you need to find something else to do, I am busy on my own electical time waster...move along" You know??? So, tomorrow should be fun.

I need to finish the boys room, do some laundry, finish the kitchen, and get last years business stuff organized for the tax man. I wish I could just plop on the floor and play candyland or memory. Its way fun!!

Please ignore the fat arms. I am working on that.

Snow day part 3

It's getting bad out there....More coming our way. We dont care!!! Its fun and we dont get it often. Here is the cutest pic of the day. Conner made a snow duck. He called it a snowman, but it clearly looks like a duck to me.

Then, can you see the snowflake that fell right in Ashley's eye when I took the pic. That is cool!!

SNOW DAY PART 2

Conner making a snow angel

Building up snowballs for the fight
I am gonna getcha!!
Perfect snow ball

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!

WooHoo! It is snowing in our hometown. Big beautiful sticky snow! Enjoy some pics while I cringe at the thought of wet children. Thats alot of wet shoes, wet gloves/(socks for the kids who couldnt find gloves...2 pr each hand) and wet coats. I shudder at the mutiny when they find out we dont have hot chocolate. We do have nestle choc. milk mix. Maybe that can be heated??

More on the television

Man, this is gonna be fun! The cable guy just came and left. My 4 year old came in and said "mommy, I was watching Barney and it just broke! What is wrong with our t.v.?"

Why does the television being off cause such feelings of panic? We have gotten so used to its presence, and the ability to go shopping and telling the oldest to just let the kids watch pbs while we are gone. It made life so simple, yet so hard.

The bad thing about this is that my husband isn't truly on board. If he didn't tell me it was okay to turn it off, I wouldn't. However, he wants a replacement. He thinks that dish would be great in that you can record what you want, and play it back anytime. NO commercials and only what we want to see when we want to see it. It sounds nice, but I truly don't want that either. Its still a timewaster, and still is money thrown out the window for nothing of redeeming value.

What is also bad for me is that we just bought a $1000.00 television. It was justified because our living room is so large, and you couldn't see it if you sat on the opposite wall couch. So, now that seems like a waste to just have a television for videos and the occasional dvd. I think I am going to secure a television free month...no videos or anything. And then see if we can throw in an occasional video on a movie night...see where that goes. If it doesn't work and it just makes the kids want to become regular viewers again, than it will be off completely. Then maybe my husband will allow it to leave and we can get some money back from that too.

The television

Today is the day.....The day everyone in my family dreads...including me to a degree.

It's the day the cable gets turned off!!! What will we dooooo??? We cant even pick up anything with an antenna, so this is it. No cheesy alternative. I am anticipating mutiny on the bounty, but I will remain strong. It needs to be off, we need to find alternatives, we need to save that 45.00 a month, and our children need to be purged of the influence of cable.

I must say...I was very careful with what we watched on television. My children are very sheltered. It didn't matter though, because the commercials are bad enough, and the temptation to look at what your not supposed to was there. Also, it kept us (hubby and I) from doing anything productive at night. We never read the books we want to, we havent done any sorting or purging in our room, and most importantly, we don't really talk. Night time would be best for that.

Pray for us. This needs to be done, but it will be HARD!

Boys room part 1

This is a before, that will have to wait on the after...I am experiencing pain in places I didn't know I had due to jogging/walking on the treadmill, and biking on the excersise bike. Whew!! We have done this 2 times a day for the last 4 days and boy howdie!!! I am sore. But I feel great mentally. Anyway, this is a before pic of my boys room. I hate looking at it, because I already went through their stuff and got rid of anything they hadn't played with in ages. It was clean!!!

Most of this is all Nathan's fault, and I know this, but they do play with it too. I haven't the discipline to make them pick up when they are done, and you know its not inborn to clean...sooo.. Things are a'changing. I will sweep the room again. They only truly love the legos. I think the rest are things they like, but they never want to deviate from the legos.

It will get better. Stay tuned.

God's little blessings matter so much

Ok..so God truly cares about the little things. You know this, don't you? People think God is far too busy to care about the tiny, mundane stuff that only matters to us, but that is FALSE!! Know how I know this? Look what we have been sleeping on.



Now, look at what we were blessed with today from freecycle. It will feel SOOOO good to finally sleep on an intact sheet and not have that awful egg crate feeling in our backs and feet.

Thank you LORD!!! We appreciate it, so very much. You truly do care about every little thing in our lives.

Rachel part 2...please read the post before this one, first.

These are just a couple of other pics of her birthday, or shortly after (for the 2nd pic)



I should mention that during my pregnancy, we had ultrasounds several times, due to different things each time. Once, they said her belly was bigger than her head, which would indicate the microcephaly was due to her development, not birth...BUT they said it resolved itself. Then I had to get more because of the enormous amount of amniotic fluid I had. They wanted to make sure she was fine, and it wasnt stressing her out any. Each time, they said everything was fine. So.......



What signifies her disability? Her head has only grown 2 inches in circumfrence since birth. SHe weighs 14 pounds and 15 oz. She isnt able to eat solid foods, unless you want to keep stuffing it back in again and again and again, and hope some of it just slides down her little throat. Her feet turn in like clubfeet, but they arent clubbed. She looks like she is praying with her feet, all the time. She stands on the sides of her feet if you hold her in a standing position. She can't sit unless you are holding her...she has no side control. Funny thing though...she has always lifted her little body up by the abdominal muscles and held herself in that position, much to everyone's delight. So, there is muscle, but not the muscle that keeps you sitting up. She just started rolling both directions, and has that down to a tee. She cant crawl, but does get on her knees to rock back and forth.



She is just now in the last month become interested in toys. She enjoys them, but if they fall, she doesnt really look for them. She is content to sit in a swing or a bouncy chair, or in her crib all day....we have to take her out and stimulate her continuously, or she would just stay there and not fuss. Sounds like an easy thing, but it is sad really. Her left eye crosses, but she is gaining some control over it...it only crosses now when she is tired, or preferring to shut down.



She coos, but doesnt make any sounds that have discernable consonants or vowels. She laughs, and makes me laugh until tears run down my face...its that cute!!



She has tiny ear openings, and they thought for awhile that she might be deaf...turns out that she had junk in them from birth blocking them. She finally passed hearing screenings, and all, but developed many infections. Had tube surgery at 5 1/2 months. They thought she had CVI which is where you really cant see, but the neuro opthomologist doesnt think so... neither do we.



She is jeckel and hyde. I have called her that from day one. One minute she is completely stiff and you cant move her legs or arms, then the next, she is as loose as a goose. One minute she is looking AT you, and interacting, the next she is off in her own little zone. One minute she is rocking back and forth and then next, she is just laying there, not acting like anything is going on. Just when they think they have her pinned down to a certain something, she does something else. Its almost funny. The docs even laugh about how she doesnt want to fit any mold.



She is just Rachel and I love her with all my heart and soul. I hold her and cry at least once a day, because I am so glad she is here with me, and that she is mine. They told me I miscarried her early on, and I didn't. They told me all sorts of things, and she is still here. She may not walk, she may not talk, but I know she loves me, and her daddy and her siblings, and she is going to do what she wants to do. And smile all the while. She is usually the first happy person I see in the mornings, and the last happy person I see at night. I am blessed that God gave her to me. Truly.

My precious babies birth story (Rachel)

A little bit on Rachel for those who don't know. She was born at 38 weeks gestation, due to too much amniotic fluid. I was HUGE!! They thought I would rupture if we let it go any further, so induction commenced. Labor started out fairly uneventful, and we were making progress. The doc decided to break my bag of waters, and that was a fun task. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink it seemed. He was yelling for towels, and I could stop the flow with a kegal, but the minute I would let it go, more would gush out. They decided that the uterus was clamping down on her and was causing her distress, so we did an amnio infusion to put water back in. That was also fun (not). Then her heartrate started to decel and they forced me on my side...where it was most uncomfortable. I was trying to do this naturally.... Once her heartrate stayed okay for awhile, then I was allowed on my back. Only to have her decel again. I was back on my side, they did an internal monitor on her head, everything was fine, except I couldnt bear the pain. Epidural ordered, and was installed, only to have her crown before it even took effect.

She was born very~very fast and had a cord wrapped around her neck 2 times, which seems like a big deal, but I have always had cord babies...always. Never a problem. She was not breathing, and so they kept having to mess with her, ie shaking her a little and giving her oxygen through a little tube close to her face. She would pink up but once they stopped, she would turn blue again. This went on for what seemed like eternity, but my husband said it wasn't very long. They took her to the nursery and put her under a little tent, and we were allowed to see her sometime after that.

She was bruised on her face and actually had a bruise on her labia which was odd. The pediatrician said that was very common in fast births and that it had nothing to do with lack of oxygen or anything like that. She insists that if she had hypoxia (oxygen deprivation) that she would have not perked up as quickly and would have likely been intubated.

She was a poor eater very early on, because all she wanted to do was sleep. That, combined with the bruising gave her jaundice. She was in the hospital 4 days from that, discharged, and promptly became jaundiced again...in for another 3 days. Right after that, I developed a blood clot in my leg due to laying around in the bed while she was in the hospital. That was 4 days of sure agony. Then after about 1 month, we were back in again because she developed pneumonia and was diagnosed failure to thrive. She hadnt gained any weight, and while she nursed, it just wasnt much. She still preferred to sleep. I would wake her, and try to force her to eat, but it was only on her terms that she cooperated. They convinced me that my milk wasnt fat enough for her to grow on, and then I got to bottle feed her.

She still didnt grow. She still wanted to sleep most of the time. We increased her calories by giving her more formula than you were supposed to put in a bottle....we changed formulas...we gave her rice. Nothing....still wouldnt grow. Then we got to go to doctor after doctor to find out what was going on.

Her head measured 13 inches at birth, and stayed that way. Her fontanelle closed before 6 months old, but they did an MRI and it told us that her sutures were still open. So, it became a wait and see.

One doc thinks that because of my diabetes, it messed up her brain development and that was why we had to much amniotic fluid...she wasnt smart enough to swallow it and process it, basically. I have had diabetes with the last 5 children...never a problem, but he said it was random.

Pediatrician and OT still thinks that if it was from birth, she would show white matter in her brain from dead cells, and that she would have been worse off. Neuro thinks the same. Why can't I believe this?

My hand is tired, so I will leave you with some pics. The first pic was right after birth, the second pic was probably a couple of hours or so later. The third pic was in the hospital during jaundice treatment and the last pic was how she looked for about 2 more weeks, bruised in her eyelids. Beautiful, but still hard for me to see now.

Quiverful after a disability....warning..much rambling

This is a little bit more serious of a post that my cleaning struggles. I have felt the need to put this down in writing for sometime, but something stops me.... I am just going to do it, and if it rambles or sounds bad, I don't care. I've just got to do it.

My husband and I are quiverful. We have felt this calling for a long time now. Each pregnancy stinks a little bit more each time...a little more pain, a little more fatigue, a little more tainted with "I cant do this again". But still we kept on. Never doing anything to stop God's blessings. Each time I would give birth, all those negatives were gone. They became a faded memory in the past, and were only brought up when I got pregnant again. People thought we were crazy for wanting so many children.

When we miscarried, the only thing I wanted to do was try again. I never felt the desire to stop and not do that again. We were blessed with Nathan 3 months after the miscarriage. Then we got pregnant with Rachel 3 months after Nathan was born. Whew!! I don't know if any of my fears are related to the quickness of all that or not. I do know alot of the fear is due to Rachels disability. I had always maintained that the world is a better place with "special needs" kids. I always felt awkward around them, but that was my own problem. No one deserved life more than another, so that included everyone, normal or not. I read one blog against the Duggars choices, and one lady said..."she wouldn't have so many if she had a disabled child. She would have had to stop then." Like that was a death sentence or something. I disagreed with that statement, and thought that it was pretty absurd of her to say that. Then I had Rachel........

I don't know if I caused her to be like she is, or if the birth caused her problems, or what. I don't know if I am okay with the possibility that it was me, and thus I would cause the next baby to be like that. I love her with every fiber of my being, and had I known about her problems before birth, I would have still had her and called myself blessed. So why do I have the fear??? Can't I let myself look into her eyes and long for another one, be it normal or not?

I don't know if she will ever walk, or talk, or truly develop into anything other than an infant. I pray daily that she will, but I am fine if she wont. However, do I have it in me to get past that and open myself into having more? I know in my heart that God will not give me more than I can handle, but if it was my fault that she is disabled, is it fair to allow it again? I know that my fault only could consist of the knowledge that I had diabetes, and allowed myself to get fat. I made the wrong food choices...I didn't eat healthy, but the diabetes was under control. Also,the birth itself could have caused it, and do I trust myself to give birth again??? Unless she was made this way by God, and in which case, I could live with that and stop blaming myself. BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW, AND IT'S KILLING ME!!

Yesterday, she was approved for disability through the state. They usually deny you the first time, but her disabilities are apparently profound enough that she sailed right through the process. That makes me cry....Its so hard to imagine her life past here and now. Could I take care of her and all that entails, and still be a good mommy to more children??

Our entire life was crazy for this past year since she came. It took this long to finally get some semblance of normalcy back. We were all so messed up....And yet, she continued to thrive and make progress...and made us smile, and cherish each other a little more. I know God wants us to have her....she is needed by our family for so many reasons. I could be saying this about the next baby....and I would mean it then. So, why cant I get past this awful fear?

Family pic on Thursday

My babies!!! Trying to set up a pic like this was harder than one could imagine. My back hurts now from being on the floor. I am not as young as I used to be.....OUCH!!

8 reasons my home wont stay clean

These are the reasons my house will never stay clean. But that's okay, because I would rather have those reasons, than a clean house any day!!!

The big living room cleaning of 2008

Okay...so we're among friends here. This is a before and after of an ick degree. This is my living room. A huge room by living room standards. We don't spend much time in here, which is why it could be this way and not need cleaning. I will preface the pics by saying, I took them after I started cleaning. So, it probably looks worse than it was, due to the fact that I was sorting and going through. I am nowhere near done, but at least it's habitable now...so the kids can stop coming into my room to play. :) These two above are the "after some sorting, but before any real cleaning going on. The boxes are for stuff to leave my house in. I do have lots of excess, remember??? Okay. And if you're wondering about the liquor boxes, well....I am sorry but we live next to a liquor store, and those boxes are the bomb for holding lots of weight. Next photos are of the midway process. I was steam cleaning the carpets at the same time I was cleaning. I am nothing if not a multi-tasker. Also, there is another view of my living room. Yes, we have 2 large couches, 1 loveseat, 1 chaise lounge and a rocker recliner. Why do you ask??? We have lots of booties that need to sit. Then the last two pics are the "finished" product. I say finished, but its not. I am just too pooped to go on tonight. We have therapy tomorrow for Rachel, so I have to call it an evening. And let the carpets dry. My problem with being a perfectionist is that once I start, unless I force myself to stop, it will go on forever.....and I will be dusting the knick-knacks, and each rock over my fireplace. I have much better things to do with my time....
Namely love on these two cuties...Rachel has decided she doesn't want to go to bed, so she is hanging out with Daddy. He is pooped too, but its due to jogging with Austin this morning, driving Ashley to the big city for an orthodontist appointment, and working the rest of the day. No, he didn't help me clean....In case you wondered. :)

Daddy's work shirts. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

We made this one a year ago.....

We just made this one tonight...
I do believe Rachel has grown a little bit.

Star Wars art....

This is a cool star wars post. The boys all love everything star wars, so when we bought the glow in the dark doodle pro, what do you think they drew?



This was from Braydon...
This was from Braydon also...
This was from Adam
This was from Aaron.

Coat closet finally figured out!! Go me!!

I am SLOW I tell ya. I asked my husband to go to Lowes and buy a shower curtain. We installed in under the original one, and wala! Instant access for the little people. They were forever throwing their coats on the floor because they couldnt reach the hangers...so this will effectively teach them to be diligent about putting things away.

Diet update and laundry...now with pics!!

It is so frustrating, this weight loss thing. When I wasn't drinking pop, I was hungry all the time. Even when I would take my diet pill. When I was drinking pop, I had no desire to eat. So, in essence...I would gain with water only as a beverage, and lose with pop as a beverage. Doesn't make sense, does it? I haven't had fast food though, but I cant seem to shake this desire for DP. I hate that. I still weigh 244...but it may be doing bad things to my blood sugar. Its the lesser of two evils though. Weight gain from hunger, or high blood sugar??? Ack!!


Finally finished all the sorting and getting rid of the excess clothes. Take a look at the clothes in the boxes sitting in my laundry room waiting to go!! I am so pooped. It took a full 7 days to wash, sort, try on, get rid of, hang up and be done with it. I have NEVER been done with it. I would be just getting rid of summer stuff, by the time summer rolled around again. I don't know what is with me, but my brain CANNOT sort this organizing thing out. It sucks. I am a perfectionist when I put my mind to it, but because of that, I just don't want to do it. Its mentally draining. I will have the cleanest one square foot of something, but the big picture is never done. Well, that is all changing with what I am doing. Getting rid of all the excess is going to help, because when you don't have it, it cant be messy, can it?

This is a huge stack of boxes filled with the clothes. Sorry about the side view, but its the point that counts. There were so many boxes that I had to take two pics.

This is the bottom of the boxes and the huge bags full. I have actually added MORE boxes, but I didn't want to take another picture.

This is just the jeans!! For a couple of people!! There were too many, so each child now has 6 pairs of jeans, 6 shorts, 5 long sleeved shirts, 6 short sleeved shirts, 5 pair of underwear. I should clarify that this pertains to the younger 4 (not counting Rachel.) My oldest 3 are very attached to their clothing, and while they did pare down, just not to that degree. They will be held accountable if it gets out of hand again. Also, hubby and I have more than that, but will keep up on the laundry and get rid of stuff should we bring new stuff in. Not likely though...I hate shopping for clothes.

I can already feel the relief on the laundry front, and now the books. there is just as many boxes of excess duplicate or otherwise books...but they are in the garage. The more clutter gone, the more my brain feels less foggy. I don't know if it was because i grew up poor that i feel the need to hoard so much stuff....but whatever the reason, I have reached the breaking point. No more, I say!!



Getting my life in order is just what I need. To be able to deal with 8 children effectively...to be able to deal with Rachel's disability. To be an effective wife. To be an effective Christian. When one if afraid to open the door to strangers or even people they know, its a big problem. I cant do it anymore.



Is this what getting old will do to a person, or is it just finally getting fed up enough? Whatever it is, I like it. I just wish it would have happened sooner. The Lord is stretching me, that's for sure!

Here's the cute lil thing I promised in part one...

Isn't she adorable??? Sitting in the middle of mommies book pile. Just sucking away at her pacifier, praying she isn't messy when she grows up. I just know it...

I am a book addict part 2

This is in Rachel's room. These are just the kids books alone. We call it the library...wonder why??? View one.....

View two...along with the excercycle. We use this occasionally, sometimes while reading. :)
View three. Along with Rachel's crib. Good thing she doesn't stand up and mess with them. We will deal with that as soon as she can stand.

This is the part I hate about my organizational habits that have rubbed off on my children. They love to read, but they dont love to put away. They are usually very good at not stepping on them, but they should be put away, dont ya think???