Please love me enough not to judge me for these before and afters. Most embarrasing thing to do is to be real. I am a messy person....my husband is a messy person...I have spent my entire life messy. I hate it and I have hated myself for it. I never invite people over, and I panic if the doorbell rings.
Except, I had Rachel....I have to let her therapists in. And her developmental people in....and possibly a wheelchair someday. I cant keep them sequestered in the clean living room that just managed to get clean the hour before they got here. I have had it with the mess. Something clicked last week, and rather than just superficially cleaning for spur of the moment stuff, I really cleaned. And cleaned, and purged. I am pooped, but not done, and I am still driven.
I should clarify...My children are taken care of. They are bathed and have clean clothing. The kitchen is most always clean. They have clean dishes to eat off of. I am not as bad as others I have seen, but still...when your child breaks their own toys because they are everywhere, or slips on messy stuff and bonks his or her head, and you know its your fault, well then what kind of parent are you??? I wondered for so many years what the heck God was doing, sending me these kids. I couldnt keep my house clean, why did He think I could raise them.
But you know what? They are healthy, happy kids, and now that I have this thing figured out, we will be able to make a positive change. We wont panic when the doorbell rings....we wont slip on stuff all over the floor. I wont lose books that belong to the library, and pay a heck of a fine. I wont buy things over and over because I couldnt find the first one. I can relax in my bedroom, and not be surrounded with mess.
God sent me Rachel for a reason. Maybe this was the reason. Or maybe, she is just helping me be who I could have been years ago.
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5 comments:
Oh Holly! I could never judge you for this! I'm both happy for you and proud of you for accomplishing such a stupendous cleaning task!
Look, I had 4 kids in 5 1/2 years, OK? I UNDERSTAND! For me at least, when the second baby was born, it wasn't as though the workload doubled, it was like work SQUARED! Speaking mathematically, of course... :-)
I can't even fathom how organized you've been all these years just to be able to keep all of your kids bathed and fed and homeschooled....it's mind-boggling!
Well, thank you for that! It's so hard to be like me and not feel bad about it. However, my personality has never been one to stoop to depression. Yes, I suck at housekeeping, but I feel like every day is a new day to get it, or keep it, clean. My positive outlook on life is what keeps me sane! :)
And realistically, I know that 8 kids in the house, all day, everyday, is bad on a house. I just remember unfortunately that I was just this messy with one kid. I didn't have as much stuff, but I was still messy. God must have skipped me when He was handing out the organization gene. But I keep getting up and trying..
You know what is frustrating? All this massive cleaning and I have not lost a pound!!! I have gained. That, my friend, is not fair!
Oh, and if you read here before you read your blog, tell me how to plot Rachels head. It was 13 inches at birth and 15 inches now. She is 16 months old...Please help me see where she is.
Holly, I've sent you a chart for Rachel (in email) with those two measurements plotted. I can plot more measurements if you have the records, if you want me to.
BTW, with all the stress I've been under the past week, and skipping meals and all, I've managed to gain weight too!
No, it isn't fair!!
Your question about when we initially started to know about the micro made me check. She qualified for sooner start therapy when she was 3 months old, because she only weighed 8 pounds 7 oz. She was just tiny all over, head included.
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