Yeah, so...titus2 conference. It would be an extreme lifestyle change, and would be super hard, but we can't even begin implementing anything unless we (husband and I) are on the same page. He is all over sports, and doesn't see anything wrong with it. He feels that because they don't control him, that they wouldn't possibly control the kids in the future. I feel like they could, and while it is a learning experience being in a team, it is setting them up for possible failure later on. He also likes tv, and movies, and is always mentioning getting tv back, which is am adamantly opposed to. Soooo, without going into much more, we obviously do not agree here, and that is sad.
They were great speakers, and their kids were very nice and well mannered. It was neat seeing a "celebrity" in my world. But it just made things more painfully aware to me.
On to other news. Rachel is eating many more soft solid foods now. I need to weigh her, because we haven't done that in awhile. Also, she must look somewhat disabled now, which saddens me. An ped. opthomologist came up to us at the conference and was talking about her, and one of our "friends" said "she does have a wee little head, doesn't she?". What is up with that remark??? I am probably too thin skinned, and he was probably just affirming to himself what he already knew, but it is getting more and more obvious. It will become more so when her stroller/wheelchair comes in. Its one that is plainly for handicapped kids, but I am excited about it because it is easier to push than a regular stroller, plus it holds her up so she can look around.
Homeschooling is going okay. We are doing switched on schoolhouse this year for some of the kids, and while I like it, I don't like the computer time...is it setting them up for being addicted to a computer? They are only on it for about an hour a day, but still?? We were thinking about VoTech for our oldest, but now....the Maxwell's brought up a scenerio involving a christian family who sent their child to a secular votech, and promptly lost him to the world. So!!! Hmm?? See, radical thinking, but it really makes sense.
House falling apart slowly again. I just did a massive cleaning of the outside. People would stop and think we were having a yard sale, because of the sheer amount of toys etc in our yard. So, we gave away, or threw away a bunch, and now our yard is nice and pretty. I am focusing on the house again now. It's so pretty outside though, and it made cleaning outside easy. but alas, the inside must be done too? darn it.
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I like your new template. :-)
I've thought about switched on schoolhouse, but I really do like plain 'ole paper and pencils. Reading, writing, and math = simple, but effective.
Don't know what to say about the VoTech issue. I think there's a point where you just have to trust your children and send them out in the world, but I'm not sure, yet, when that should be.
according to the maxwells, you don't let them go until they get married. seriously. everything is under close supervision. visits with other children, supervised. trips to wal mart, supervised. have them learn what vo-tech teaches at home...under supervision. You keep their hearts that way, and they aren't tempted to stray.
Holly, don't be mad at me for the following commentary....it's just my humble opinion, and freely given, so it's worth exactly what you paid for it! :-)
I agree with supervision of activities and playmates, of course. But you can't wrap kids in cotton wool and keep them in a closet. And really, when you think about it, that's not even scriptural. The Bible says to "be IN the world, but not OF the world." That doesn't sound to me like you are supposed to shield your family from reality in order to keep them "pure" or something.
And what if some of your kids don't marry? My almost-29-year-old daughter Cheryl is still single. After your kids are adults you have to trust the Lord, don't you? I mean, if they have their own relationship with Him, then the Holy Spirit speaks to them and they have to make decisions to obey or not to. If you've raised them right, then it's much more likely that they will make the right choices. It does NOT guarantee anything though, because there is such a thing as free will. The Lord gives us free will....we should allow our children the same freedom to choose right or wrong. If they never have to choose, how do they learn to make hard choices?? I think part of growing up is learning to say "no" to temptations. If they are never tempted, they don't know how to say "no".
I worry about too much shielding because I saw what happened to my home-schooled niece, Erin, when she became a teenager. She was kept VERY separate from any "worldly" influences. She wasn't even allowed to watch the Disney movie "The Little Mermaid" because it shows Ariel disobeying her father!
So the minute she hit puberty she began to rebel (I think she felt deprived), and of course she found out about things that Bill and Libby (my brother and sister-in-law) didn't want her to know about or be involved in. Just to "show" them, if they didn't want her do something, she IMMEDIATELY dove right in and did it! Erin has been into drugs and had all sorts of problems. I have to say that some of it, maybe most of it, is just her personality....she's so much like Bill.
I can't help wondering if they had raised her differently and not kept such a tight hold on her, whether she would have had a brief period of expermentation with drugs and alcohol like Bill did, and then she would have snapped out of it, like he did. As it is, though, she's really a deeply troubled girl right now.
Of course, I don't know if there is a "right" way to raise kids....my personal belief is that every day we ought to pray and ask the Lord to help us figure out what to do next with each of our kids, because they are all different. Unfortunately life is a bit more complicated than the authors of books that give "recipes" for raising Christian families would like us to think.
This doesn't mean that I don't have points of agreement with you and the Maxwells....I do!! ((hugs))
Yep...that is what is hard about it. You never truly know what to do. On the one hand, when I let my children go to youth group, they learned about dating and cell phone addiction, and that being rude to your siblings was cool. It made them want to be like everyone else. Sin is very tempting, and its hard to be different. So, when the Maxwell's pointed out a statement made by a youth pastor that said " a third of my class was public schooled, a third was christian schooled, and a third was homeschooled. After a couple of months all the children tended to lean towards public schooled mentality." It's not a matter of sheltering so much as just wanting to avoid the temptation of sin that children are very susseptible to.
It's complicated, but my son is actually rebelling somewhat now, but I honestly feel it is BECAUSE we gave him freedoms (with boundaries) and I really don't think he would be throwing huge fits because he couldn't have a girlfriend if he didn't want to fit in with everyone else. Allowing him to be like everyone else would be setting him up for failure, and while it is a great learning experience (by do I know that!!) but it's not good for them. Porn addiction, sex, drinking etc, are harder to stop than to start, but keeping them away from it through the formative years helps in the long run. The desire to make wrong choices tends to lean toward kids, and when your an adult, your much more mature.
Am I making any sense?
About the calling to be single. I understand that could be a calling of any of my children, and I truly don't know what to say about it. I do think that it would be much easier to let an adult integrate into the world in their mid 20's than to let them go at 18. The older they get, the better the decision making processes.
Also, it could be a personality issue and not an overall chid rearing problem. In regards to your niece, how did she find out about drugs and the like? She must have had friends that were a greater influence than her parents. They have to really know it's out there to want to try it...
My son is more worldly than my daughter for instance. Being that he went to school for several years, and we did alot of things different with him that we don't do now. He would be more susceptible to making the wrong choices simply because he knows about them. My daughter thinks alchohol is beer only. Am I doing a disservice to her in keeping her "ignorant" to the world? I don't think so, and plus when she gets old enough to know, she won't be the least interested in it.
She doesn't care what others think, whereas my son does. So, it could be the childs bents and personality, as well as what was allowed in their lives previously.
Boy is this confusing or what? LOL...
And no...I am not going to be offended by you. Aren't we past that yet?? True friends can tell each other what they feel and not have to tiptoe around. Okay. :)
joann,
can you tell me where in the Bible it says be "in the world, but not of the world" ??
I always hear people say this, but I've never found it in the Bible, yet.
Not trying to start an argument, I just wondered if you knew where that verse was, because I haven't found it yet. I admit, I'm not super studied up on the Bible, yet, so if you could point out where that is I would appreciate it,because I've been searching for that particular verse for awhile. :-) I hear it quoted so often, it must be in there somwhere, right?
Robyn...this is a website that kind of explains that terminolgy.
http://www.bible-knowledge.com/in-world-not-of-it.html
However, I believe that Jesus didn't go out discipling until he was 30, so that would fall along my thinking of waiting for them to be firm adults until sending them off in the world.
Hi Robyn,
You're right, of course; the scriptures don't say that exactly as I typed it.
That saying, "in the world but not of the world" has been used a lot in sermons, etc., and as Holly has already pointed out by directing you to that website, it is a simplification of the message of John 17, when Jesus was praying, "9 I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11 And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
12 While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
13 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
14 I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
15 I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil."
Of course, the key phrases in those verses are in there: "in the world", "not of the world"....that's where it comes from. It's like the Reader's Digest Condensed Version... :-)
JoAnn
Holly, just one quick comment on a previous topic....I think that for Matthew and Emma, I WANT them to know about the damage that drugs and alcohol do at a fairly early age....maybe by age 10 or 11? I mean, before anyone has a chance to make them think drugs are glamorous, I want them to know how horrible they really are!!
They destroy your brain and your personality, turn you into a shell of your former self, wreck your life, your relationships, destroy people's trust and confidence in you.
Perhaps they should even know someday that their biological mother took drugs while pregnant with them. I know I'll have to pray about this, and make sure that the Lord wants me to tell them.
Karen told me once that she took methamphetamine when she was pregnant with Matthew because she was trying to kill him. I asked her "why would you do such a terrible thing to your baby?", and all she said was that the father, Marcus, didn't want the baby, so she thought it best to try to get rid of it.
You can't imagine how grieved I am to have to say such a thing about my own daughter. I do believe that she lives in her own little world because of her mental illness, so she's not really thinking clearly anyway, but still.....
My older kids know that drugs are dangerous too, but they are kept very niave (how do you spell that word?? LOL) about it. Like, they know that some people smoke it, or do iv drugs, but they can't differentiate the many kinds of drugs. Sometimes, Austin will make a comment about crack or something, so he is a little more in the know, but we didn't really start talking about specifics with him until about a year ago. The rest will come in due time. They all know there is nothing glamorous about drugs, alchohol, or smoking cigarettes even.
That is too bad about your daughter. Drugs really do mess up your thinking, and so many people lose everything they hold dear because of them.
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